Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
