My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
