So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
