I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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