It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize