Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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