I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
