Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
