I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
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Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
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Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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