Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize