his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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