look no pants
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
