M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site