Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position