I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.