I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
