yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.