Cold hands, warm shart.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.