So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
