pedialite and red bull = repair kit
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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