he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
