I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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