She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
