i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Less talking, more tequila
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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