I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
