i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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