i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize