I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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