there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
