Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
