Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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