508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
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Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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