this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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