Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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