I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
