at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
