I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
