even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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