Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
