Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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