ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
