Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is Oprah even human
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize