I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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