having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize