I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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