I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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