Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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