That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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