White coat. Heels.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
