This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
