We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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