My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
