he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I enjoy the company of your penis
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