Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
