and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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