4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
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The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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