Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
