Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
