Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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