the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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