Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
