my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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