We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
