Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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